Tidbits

Anyone still read this blog? I haven't been very consistent, sorry! I hope to get better. I have been up to a lot of stuff. Here are a few things:

This

And this.

A taking in this.

And more of this.

Can't get enough of this.

Bath time is always a happy time.

Then there was a little Halloween.

And dressing up. And eating LOTS of candy.

And enjoying this. I love the fall!

A few more things I've been doing:

Frantically trying to figure out Christmas gifts. Yikes, no time!

Doing lots of projects. Going to sewing classes. Going to yoga classes. Planning events (I'm on the enrichment committee- 3 years and running). Hanging out with friends. Carpooling kids to preschool. Feeding. Taking lots of food to people (lots of people with sad/ hard things going on). Cleaning, cleaning, cleaning. Pulling my hair out from crazy kids. Running. Sleeping. Learning. Discovering. Loving Life.

I realized that Brigg really is learning things at preschool. He comes home with a skill card every month to work on. For the month of November he needs to recognize the flag and say the pledge of allegiance. I asked him to say the pledge of allegiance just to see if he even knew what that meant. He then recited the pledge of allegiance all by himself and only made a few mistakes. I laughed when he said "one nation, invisible".

I got a "new to me" Blackberry. It is organizing my life. A good thing.

Maren is 3 months! She has chubs and rolls and I love them! She is a perfect baby. Thank the Lord! He knew I needed this in my life right now. She sleeps 10-12 hrs a night and has been since forever ago. Love it! I still go to bed too late though- I take advantage of it too much.

Kallie has gone on a rampage. The terrible two's are here! She is into EVERYTHING, she loves to make messes, get into trouble (seriously, she loves it.), make me frustrated, she finger paints in her own poo after nap time, she strips off all her clothes and pees, she screams mommy over and over to me, throws gigantic tantrums, and is STUBBORN STUBBORN. She makes my life busy. But I love her to death and I know she is feeling the middle of 3 situation. It doesn't help that she is extremely advanced physically but not as advanced vocally. She gets mad when I don't understand her. I'm trying to concentrate on giving her more quality time.

Life is good. Life is better. Life feels more like life than watching a stranger live my life or take over my body. There is more peace. There is more stability. There is more me. It is frustrating how slow this recovery to me has been, but I am at a better place than I was even 1 month ago. I feel like things have stabilized physically for me, but I am dealing with the trauma from it all. I am scarred, traumatized, trying to let time heal the rawness of it all. I'm am so much happier. I'm trying to really embrace life more, to learn and rediscover who I really am, weed out the lies I've lived with and replace them with real truths- truths about who I really am and my relationship with God. I've realized I really need to strengthen my life in all aspects- spiritually, physically, mentally and in all my relationships, particularly as a mother and wife. Unbalance is not good. I'm sure this isn't what caused the prepartum/ postpartum stuff, but it sure did add to it.

I have been hearing about other people who live near me who are dealing with all sorts of emotional things and my heart aches for them. There is a girl I see at least 3 times a week that i carpool to preschool with who is dealing with major anxiety right now and not sleeping, etc. Oh how my heart aches for her. It is too raw and real for me, I'm still recovering , so I have to remind myself that I'm not at that place where she is, I'm doing much better. I try to help her as much as I can but I also have to not get too involved or those feelings come right back. People deal with such hard things in this life. I'm so thankful for Christ's atonement that made our hard crap in life easier to bear.

On that happy note, I'll end with a funny quirk of Brigg's. It really isn't all that quirky, more just 4 year old boy-ish. He loves to play with toys of all kinds and makes them into guys who fight other "guys". If I play with him (or even just sometimes when he talks), he makes a lot of sound effects and explosions. I'm usually drenched. In spit. Sometimes I don't even need a shower.