I don't have any pictures or particular stories to share but I have been thinking about blogging and self esteem and Mormon mommies for awhile. I figured I get some thoughts out.
After I stopped nursing Maren back in September, I have had a lot less pre/ post partum anxiety. However, it comes and goes still. I haven't really figured out why or what triggers any type of anxiety episode. I get so frustrated trying different things and never getting any answers. It is bearable enough and i feel good enough that I don't want to go back on Zoloft. I wonder if my body is still trying to get my hormones in balance and that I may be super sensitive to anxiety now that i went through that nightmare. I don't know. All I know is I hate it.
I have noticed that when I read blogs, I can sometimes get depressed and discouraged. There are so many fun, awesome blogs out there with so many fun ideas. I love looking at them. However, it makes me feel like I'm not doing enough. I'm not a good mother. I'm not creative. I don't craft. I don't sew. I don't do the home business. I'm not a fun, interesting wife. Etc. etc. etc. I just don't do those things. I then wonder what I DO do. I'm still trying to figure that out. So I look at blogs once in awhile (especially the blogs of family and friends because I know those people and it is fun to see what is going on in their lives) but I have to be careful when I read all the other amazing, perfect mormon mommy blogs.
But I'm not alone!! This was an interesting article. I have seen it around the intersphere (I made that word up I think) Why I can't stop reading Mormon housewife blogs
Then this was this written by the author of Seriously So Blessed :
Is there a tendency for LDS women to hold themselves to an impossibly high standard or feel pressure to conform?
In any highly homogeneous culture we all feel pressure to be and look and think and act a certain way. Many Mormon women are hard on themselves because they’re good and want to be good and in our culture we do a lot of self-reflection and introspection on how we can improve. Part of being a member of the Church and part of being a person of faith and a follower of Christ is always thinking of how you can get better. With a lot of young American Mormon women that quest can get out of hand quickly. You start to think you need to be absolutely perfect in every area. You need to be having nonstop fun all the time, your marriage needs to be perfect, your kids need to be perfect, and you need to have to have pictures of every activity. I get emails from readers saying that there’s this unattainable standard that they see people around them portraying (or seeming to portray) and that the blog (so seriously blessed) helps them realize that nobody’s perfect and it sounds ridiculous if you make things seem perfect all the time.
I guess I was unconsciously comparing my weaknesses to others' strengths. In my head I know that it is irrational to compare but I do it anyway. It can become cyclical: compare, feel down about myself, remember what I am doing to myself, cheer myself up, compare again...
So here is what I'm trying to do more often and not get in the rut.
1. Read/ watch/ surround myself by uplifting, positive things. I see myself as a positive person but I am realizing more that I am a lot more negative about myself than I thought. Most of this is subconsciously, probably even habitual so I don't realize it. Positive self talk!
2. Stop reading the blogs if I'm not in a good mood!
3. Do whatever the heck I want to! If I don't want to be crafty, then don't! If I don't want to make an impressive dinner, I won't! I am trying to do more things that i want to do. At the same time, trying to balance this with serving others. I know that serving others helps you not to think about yourself. It is a hard balance! So being selfish in an unselfish way. :)
4. Read my scriptures and pray everyday. This has been a real struggle for me. But then I feel guilt. And then I beat myself up for not doing it. So I'm trying to make that more a priority because those things do make me feel better and my day goes better. Maybe a selfish reason for reading my scriptures and praying, but it works for now!
5. Get more sleep. :) Ha!
Uh, there are more things but those are the most important. Do you ever feel the pressure of doing, doing, doing? I like doing, just on my own terms and not with the pressure. Anyhow.... ramblings. One area I have tried to relieve pressure is feeling like my house needs to be clean. Because it won't ever be clean. Not ever when I have young kids in the house. Right now, books on cd are my friends while cleaning and I actually like cleaning more! But my house is never as clean as I want it. And I'm starting to be ok with that. :)
My next post will be filled with all that is best in my house. So don't compare anything to what is best in my life. :)
Thoughts?? Bueler? Bueler?
Amen. I recently purged a bunch of blogs out of my reader because they just made me feel inadequate or stupid. And why do I do that to myself? Even if the blogs are written by good friends, there is no reason to read it if it just makes me feel bad. So I don't. Hmmph.
ReplyDeleteIt is also comforting (in a weird way) to know that EVERYBODY has problems that they're working through... some people just don't do it as visibly as others, and thus they might seem perfect. But nobody is... and remembering that makes me feel less inadequate and makes the super women seem more human.
I think we all have the tendancy to do this same thing. I think that is how satan gets to each of us. I sit and read blogs and see all the good that all these other women are doing and I take those good parts of each of them and make this one perfect person. But I know we all do this.
ReplyDeleteI try my best not to compare myself to all these other people, though it may be hard to do. I have to tell myself the things that I am doing right. When I want to do something different and change something about myself, I choose one thing to change at a time. and work really hard on making that one thing a habbit. When it becomes a new habbit for me i start on the next thing I want to change.
I think the most important thing you can do is just be ourselves. Their was a talk given during the YW conference by sister dalton. She gave the analogy that each of us is a crayon in a box of crayons. We all have our special purpose and are meant for that specific purpose. We can blend with others and make something more beautiful. But each of us is an individual.
I assure you that you are not alone in your feelings.
Liz, you are one of my amazing friends and I LOVE your blog- you are so honest and real and I love it! It makes me laugh too.
ReplyDeleteMelanie, I love your positive attitude. You have always had a smile on your face whenever I see you. I think I do make a one perfect person out of other people too. I also liked Sis. Dalton's comments. I guess I just get stuck sometimes because I don't think about any good things I do because I don't feel like I'm doing anything well. :) But, somedays it is just good enough to do something. Right? :)
I love to read your blog. I love how honest you are on it and so open about life. I only post things that we do, not really my feelings about my daily life and my struggles. I think most people keep those things to themselves. But I think that it is important to shore those things like you do. I too get stuck and feel trapped. I have so many projects started, but don't finish have of what I start. I have intentions to do more, but when it comes down to it all I just do what I can. Somedays that all you can do is do what you can to keep from sinking.
ReplyDelete